PARENTS TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE.

As parents, we are the mirror our children look at every day.  What they see will either boost their confidence in life and trust in God or make them feel inferior and lost in the world.  What we do and how we live our lives each day is very important. 

I grew up in a family where love, respect and discipline were taken seriously.   We were not rich but we were very happy, comfortable and content with what we had.  My dad was a head teacher and my mum a nurse.  They did all they could (by God’s grace) to bring us up being proud of who we are, having confidence in whatever we do and respect for people in the society we live in.  My parents were not perfect but like most parents who want the best for their children, they led by examples.    I cannot recollect hearing my parents using foul languages at home or having unhealthy arguments with each other.  This does not mean that they do not argue or disagree on certain issues; they sometimes simply agree to disagree without being aggressive or violent about it. 

My dad was a very dedicated husband especially when it comes to helping my mum with house chores and taking care of us.  He was always ready to help with ironing and cooking as much as possible.   My mum, who had a shift job as a Nurse at that time was very appreciative and did not take it for granted.  I could really see the love and care they had for each other so, at a very young age, I started praying that God will give me a husband just like my dad.

Fortunately, in Nigeria where I was born and in most African countries, once a woman gives birth, there are lots of people lining up to assist in caring for your child.  That reminds me of the African proverb – “It takes a village to raise a child” so, that means the entire community of people must interact with children for those children to grow in a safe and healthy environment. This also goes to show that it is impossible for just a father and mother to bring up their children in a community without the help of others.  Watching my mum and dad’s good relationship with the families and people around us made me realise how important it is to be part of a community – you will always need the help of others.

There were certain things my parents will never compromise on and these were clearly understood by everyone including us as children.  There were rules to be followed in the household, chores to be done by each of us every day including school home works.  We did not have the luxury of having a washing machine then so, my dad was constantly washing his clothes/mum’s himself so we had no excuse not to follow suit – he led by example.

When it comes to cooking, my mum made sure I was always in the kitchen with her whenever she was cooking, helping out.  This really helped me and by the age of 15, I could go food shopping by myself and cook for the whole family.  My brothers occasionally helped out but not as much as I did being a girl – they were responsible for other manly chores.   In those days and hopefully now, for a girl not to know how to cook was unforgivable as parents (especially mothers) were seen as negligent and irresponsible for not training their children the right way.  The bible says: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6 KJV) – that is really true!   My parents never took it lightly if we did not take responsibility of what we were supposed to do at home.  They always say “All that we are doing now is for your own good”.  I use to think they were too strict but looking back now that I have my own children, I thank and praise God every day for all they have taught me.  It has made me the woman I am today. 

As mentioned above, I vividly remember praying for a husband who can cook like my dad and God answered my prayers.    When I first met my husband, one of the things that attracted me to him was the fact that he could cook and he really enjoyed doing it.  This goes to show that God answers anyone (both young and old) who prays sincerely from the heart about anything according to His will.   When we started having children, we made sure they occasionally helped in the kitchen when either my husband or I were cooking.  At first, we tried to make it exciting for them by giving them things they enjoyed doing according to their ages and abilities and as they grew older the responsibilities changed.  I must confess that there were times when they did not feel like helping in the kitchen or do certain chores. Sometimes, we were lenient with them but made sure it was not a constant practice.  If children are left to do what they want at their own pace and time, nothing will get done.    

We purposely did not buy a dishwasher because we wanted our children to get use to washing their plates when they finished eating and this became a permanent routine which they all got used to.  Mum and dad’s plates were washed in turns by our children. With other house chores, we created rotas which we all followed included my husband and I (for monitoring purposes) so that the children had no excuses.   We are not perfect parents but we tried our best (with the help of God and prayers) to teach our children the important things they needed to know growing up.  Now that they are all adults and two of them married, it has really paid off and they have testified to it.   I am so grateful to God for His guidance in helping us lead by example, and in bringing up our children.   I am confident that He will help them to also pass it on to their children.  Philippians 1:6 says:  Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ (KJV).

Leading by example cannot be done by self-effort.   Parents need to spend time on their knees asking God for wisdom and guidance each day.   Children can only learn quickly from what they see their parents do and they always know when parents are faking it.  If you are a mum or dad that swears all the time, your children will eventually start swearing too.   As parents, we are to be good stewards of the children God has placed in our care – spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  Isaiah 54:13 says:  All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.  I say “Amen” to that and pray that this will be every parent’s testimony.